sabotage

This whole recent bout with spiritual warfare in my life has led me to the following insight:

Do not let fear of success lead to unconscious failure.

It seems that every time my life is on the verge of improving in a major way, I end up encountering some sort of spiritual warfare.  Then, in turn, I end up feeling that I have no right to receive the many blessings that are about to come my way usually because I haven’t weathered the storm of spiritual warfare as well as I feel that I should have.

Thankfully, God doesn’t choose to bless us based on our own abilities.  Truthfully, none of us is worthy of receiving any of the things that he has given us.  Nonetheless, that particular revelation seems to escape many of us.  I know that there have been times in my life when I was scared to move forward in the things that God had given to me because I did not believe that I was ready to receive them.  Often, my reluctance resulted in pretty dire consequences because of my refusal to trust God.

I am writing this  because I do not want anyone else to deal with life the way that I have.  In addition to being reluctant, I would realize in hindsight that I had been sabotaging myself.  Instead of trying to work to the best of my abilities, I would pack my schedule with more things than I could possibly handle so that my response to my slightly lower grades would be, “well I was working so hard on so many things,” even though the truth was that God did not call me to all of those things.  I had become complacent.  I routinely rationalized my mediocrity because at least then, I didn’t have to worry about trying my best and having it not be good enough.

Hopefully, some aspect of this was helpful to someone out there.  Let this be a lesson to you.  Do not be afraid of the big vision that God has given you.  Do not allow your fear to lead to sabotage–conscious or unconscious.  Furthermore, if you find any evidence of sabotage in your life, pray about it and take the necessary steps to remove it as soon as possible for there is no longer any time for reluctance and hesitation.  God is doing something large here, so we all need to be ready.

old habits

This past weekend, I had the opportunity to visit with some friends at my alma mater.  As always, I was thankful for the opportunity to get away from my surroundings in Philadelphia for a little while.  It gave me the opportunity the catch up on work for my PhD program, and think about the direction that my life has been taking.  At this point, I only have three years standing between me and a tenure track position, hopefully at a Christian University in the Philadelphia area that would be receptive to my scholarly interests in faith/culture & industry, and nonprofit structure.  For once, I was optimistic about my future.

Of course, that optimism was short lived.  As always, my habitual pessimism returned.  In spite of the positive direction that my life is taking, doubt began to set in, and the usual forms of spiritual attacks began to take place.  Now, fresh from another spiritual battle, I have a few words of wisdom for anyone who reads this.

1.  The enemy knows your weaknesses well.

It is amazing how when doubt sets in, the very things that I am most susceptible appear almost magically.  Sometimes, I can spot it a mile away and laugh.  Other times, I take the bait before even realizing or even wanting to realize what exactly I have gotten myself into.

2. You always have a choice.

Just because the enemy presents something appealing doesn’t mean that you have to take it.  James 1 talks about the fact that we are drawn away by our own lusts.  That means sin is only appealing to us because there is something within us that truly desires it.  Still, the choice to give into that desire purely belongs to us.  Therefore, when we sin, we can’t say “Oh, I couldn’t help it.”  We just chose not to persevere.

3. You need to stay close to God.

This has been a weakness of mine lately.  I spend so much time keeping up with church, family, and PhD activities, but my spiritual life is lacking.  Sure I read the Bible and pray everyday, but in some ways, I can tell that God and I are not as close as we should be.  Of course the fault belongs to me, since it is sin that keeps us apart and God isn’t capable of sin.  Spiritual warfare can bring us closer to God if we are sure to keep him first through it.

It is my hope that these words of wisdom can help all of you to kill your old habits.  That is what I am trying to do in my own life right now.  I’ll keep you posted on my progress.

Rihanna’s Face

Unless you have been under a rock, you have likely heard about the whole Rihanna – Chris Brown abuse scandal.  I had tried to ignore much of it, but I couldn’t.  After all, I spend a lot of time with my teenage cousins who were very reluctant to admit that Chris Brown could possibly have done such a thing.  “My husband would never do that,” they said.  The irony is that there are so many teenage girls claiming that Chris Brown is their husband that he would put the Mormon polygamists to shame.

As sad as it was for me to break the news to my little cousins–first that Chris Brown was not married to either one of them, and second that Chris Brown had in fact abused his girlfriend Rihanna–was even harder for me to accept the fact that someone from the LAPD leaked out the crime scene photos.  Pictures of Rihanna’s abused face first surfaced on TMZ.com, but other news outlets quickly followed suit.  Whatever happened to the protection of the victim?

Rihanna may be a celebrity, but since when have we as a people become so obsessed with celebrities that we need to see every aspect of their lives–even the bad ones?  No victim of domestic abuse wants their bruises exposed.  Effectively, the people involved in leaking those photos abused Rihanna just as much as Chris Brown did, because they exposed something that she would have preferred to forget and pictures never disappear.

As for Chris Brown, I am sure that he is not pleased that his handiwork has been spread across the internet.  Deep down, I believe that he is a good guy, but even good guys are capable of bad deeds.  There is no excuse for inflicting that level of injury on anyone, let alone a woman.  At the same time, not all abusers have every detail of their abuse publicized worldwide.  Some may say that it is the price Chris and Rihanna  pay for being celebrities, but I believe it is symptomatic of our lack of fulfillment with our own lives.

Let this be a lesson to all of us: celebrities are just like the rest of us.  They have issues too, and they should be able to deal with them privately, just like the rest of us.

rebirth #?, forget it , I lost track

So, it has been over 9 months since my last entry.  I couldn’t necessarily figure out what I wanted this page to be, so I took a hiatus and began focusing on the things that were important to me.  I graduated from Yale, moved back to Philadelphia, and began working more at my church.  I also spent more time working on my novel and figuring out what I wanted out of life.  The novel is now in its final stages and should be released sometime this year, since I have chosen to self-publish.  I doubt that any publisher in their right mind would take my book, so I will assume much of the risk for it myself.

I had resolved not to come back to this blog any time soon, but it looks like God had other plans.  Every self-publishing website talks about the importance of a writer having an audience.  I had one at this site for a little while, but my inconsistency likely drove many people away.  After all, a 9 month gap is pretty large.  Then there were lots of people in my life who started asking me about the website.  I knew that the reason I started it years ago was still valid.  I wanted to create a place to express opinions that do not normally have the chance to be expressed in today’s society.  Anyway, that means I will be back more often.

another truth spot

Now that finals week is over, I got my life back.  Here is the latest spot from the Truth ad campaign about cigarettes.  I remember disliking this series of commercials at one time, but now they are of intriguing to me.  Either I have changed, or they have gotten better recently.

another sign that music may be turning around after all

A few weeks ago, I heard this song on the radio.  It stuck out to me because it talked about the ills of growing up in today’s world instead of glorifying the sex and violence like a lot of music played on urban radio stations.   Needless to say, I felt it my responsibility to use my nonexistent platform on the internet to promote this artist, even though she likely doesn’t need it.  After all, here music is playing on radio stations across the country.  Still, it gives me a chance to feel like I am doing something to make a difference in the world.  Here is Karina Pasian with “16 At War.”

news

Check out my new blog on the ministerial life.  Hopefully, its existence will prevent me from ranting so much about being a minister in my general entries.

another sad story

Philadelphia newspapers are reporting that a dead baby was found in a suitcase.  It is believed that the baby may be 18-month-old Javon Thompson, and it has been suggested that he died of malnutrition because he would not say “Amen.”  His mother is reportedly a member of a cult that prevented her from contacting relatives.  Therefore, the circumstances of the death are still a mere speculation.  Still, it is another sad story of the way religion can be misused with terrible results.

Click here for the article.

spotlight free

Since this website has existed in some form for over two years, some would wonder whether or not I view it as successful.  After all, the site has no real audience except for a few good friends of mine who check it out periodically.  However, I have finally settled in on the fact that I am not in need of a national audience at this time in my life.  Having the spotlight doesn’t necessarily seem like a fun thing.  Between the recent news about Rev. Jeremiah Wright, or the fallout from Miley Cyrus’ pictures, I have gained a greater appreciation for anonymity.  It’s great that there is nothing about my life at this point that is of interest to tabloid magazines or journalists in general.  Sure I may not have as much money as I would like to have, but at least I am free to relax and life my life without so much scrutiny.

Alright, I’ll take that last line back.  The unfortunate reality is that as soon as I acknowledged the call to ministry that God placed on my life, I gave up the right to privacy–at least in the community I serve.  Still, it’s not the same as the national spotlight that tears apart lives.  Whether or not Obama wins this election, his life will never be the same and he will always have people analyzing his words to the point where they no longer maintain their original meaning.  Whether or not Miley Cyrus was genuinely embarrassed about her pictures, she still has to deal with people thinking that her actions were a calculated publicity stunt.

Therefore, I’ll let the people who want the national spotlight have it, and enjoy the ability to walk down the street as just another guy.  I plan on being spotlight free for as long as God will allow it.  Too bad my network of friends is just getting to a place where the national spotlight is almost inevitable.  Still, there is a difference between knowing people receiving national attention and receiving it myself.  My own academic, business, and artistic endeavors will likely not be the kinds of things that have mass appeal.  If this blog is any indication, I still have more time to cherish my anonymity and I’m fine with that, for once anonymity is gone, it can never be regained.

on Jeremiah Wright

Since most of the major news outlets are reporting that Barack Obama has finally denounced his former pastor,  I figured that I might as well give my take on the recent turn of events.  As an African American minister, I understand the frustrations that led Rev. Wright to say the things that he said.  Traditionally, the African American pulpit has been the home to some of the most controversial remarks in the community.  In some ways, this trend can be traced back to slavery, where black preachers used the Bible to speak out against the way that they were being treated.  Alternatively, there were also black preachers who used the Bible to justify slavery.  The point is that in the African American community, Scripture is often applied in ways that people would generally not expect.

Rev. Wright went wrong with his continued efforts to connect himself to Barack Obama.  Knowing how delicate the presidential race has been, Wright should not have found it necessary to use Obama as an example in his speeches.  It may have been done out of love.  For instance, Wright’s point about anti-Obama groups trying to inspire fear in the American people through pointing out Barack’s Arabic middle name was likely an effort to defend his parishioner.  Nonetheless, sometimes good intentions lead to bad results.  Instead of acknowledging the potential for people to take his comments out of context, Wright considered his new media attention to be the result of an “attack on the Black church.”

As for Obama, one can only hope that this latest episode will not be enough to damage his campaign.  Wright placed him in a bit of a quandary.  By denouncing Wright, Obama may lose the respect of voters who admired his stance on disagreeing with the message but still showing love to the man.  Before denouncing Wright, Obama was losing respect of voters who were outraged that he could remain a member of a church with a pastor like that for over 20 years and then act surprised by the nation’s reaction.  This kind of situation only strengthens Clinton’s argument by further suggesting how far out of touch Obama actually is, and McCain isn’t going to complain about Clinton ruining the reputation of the candidate most likely to face him in November.